Nontraditional wedding: Goodbye tradition

What are the momentous events in everybody’s life? Many people believe that birth, marriage, and death are the important phases in the human life-cycle. However, they imagine that marriage is the most wonderful and unforgettable because it usually occurs when we are in the top form of life. Since marriage is eminent event, couples endeavor to give the best shot to their "big day". Speaking about the big day, there are many ways to design a wedding ceremony, from traditional to nontraditional. Nowadays, in North America, many couples tilt toward to the nontraditional way as a choice "to tie the knot" in order to express their individualism and to save money.

Before I get into the nontraditional wedding, it is a good effort to explain what the traditional wedding is. In my opinion conventional wedding is wedding that is conducted by heritage. There are numerous heritages that are able to influence how the wedding ceremony is conducted. However, it seems that every tradition whether originated by religion or ethnic groups has almost similar ritual act. According to Scwerdtfeger (1982) who earned her doctoral degree in liturgy at the Pontificial Institute for Oriental Studies, the conventional ritual act can be clustered into several groups, that is: "Expression of personal consent, Ritualization of family permission, Recognition of adult eligibility for marriage, The marriage feast, The fertility ritual, The joining ritual, The bridal procession, The reception of the bride into the family of the bridegroom, The nuptial chamber, and The recognition of married status of couple" (p.54). By listing these groups the author implies that there are many things should be done by couple who wants to tie a knot in traditional way. So that it seems the conventional wedding has not only a long process but also many regulations toward the couple. And finally many couples shift their mind to the nontraditional wedding.

The nontraditional wedding is a wedding that is conducted beyond the tradition’s regulation. They arrange their own wedding ceremony that is suitable for themselves instead of following the tradition. They don’t like to be tied up by tradition instead of showing their desire and individualism. Wolcott (2000, p.1), the writer of the Christian Science Monitor, states that the couples who arrange the nontraditional way when they tie the knot are the couples who want to focus more on the marriage than the wedding, "to give their guests an intimate idea of who they are as a couple, and to avoid looking back this special day as just a blur" (p.2). It means that nowadays many people think rational rather than just follow the custom which they still hesitate the benefits. The author continues by saying "the couples are looking inside themselves to see what really fits for them and to create out of that space, not just [the] wedding, but their entire lives" (p.2). By this, the author indicates that they can slightly change the tradition such as writing their own vows, asking a friend to officiate, or maybe involving the bride’s dog in the wedding party, even they can change the whole tradition and create their own wedding such as wedding underwater, on the top of the mountain, or in the other particular places (p.3). And this symptom has been popular from time to time among couples in North America.

When did the nontraditional wedding begin popular? According to Susan McClelland (2000) who interviews Katherine Jellison, a history professor at Ohio University that the nontraditional wedding "would have been almost unheard of 40 years ago in north America" (p.3). It began from "the upper classes who had such elaborate affairs" (p.3). Afterwards, the New York city-based bride’s magazine started "the whole white wedding craze"(p.3) and made it popular to the middle classes. Still, she says that Hollywood also played a role in the evolution of the wedding. For instance, in 1950, there was a movie whereas "[the] father of the bride starring Spencer Tracy, sent out a message that this was how you married in North America" (p.4). Whereas, in-fact, the Hippies in late 1960 and early 1970 had exhibit their wedding ceremony as a nontraditional way such as saying their vows on the top of the mountain or under waterfalls. Since that time the popularity of the nontraditional wedding in North America increased continuously from year to year.

It is the fact that somehow brides and grooms are older today than people who got married in as recent as 30 years ago (McClelland, 2000). The author strengthens her statement by regarding to Statistics Canada that "the average age of first marriage in 1962 was 25.2 for men and 22.5 for women. By 1997, this had risen to 29.5 years for men and 27.4 for women" (p.3). At these ages couples know what they want in the wedding. It’s not mom or dad telling adolescents what to do. The couples tend to marry later because maybe they want to tie the knot after they are established economically and usually both the groom and the bride are work.

Besides established couples, there are several common kinds of people who do the nontraditional wedding as well. For examples, couples come from different ethnics or religions. Maybe, because of different background, they prefer to arrange their own way rather than to follow the two traditions. And then the same-sex couples such as lesbian and gay are also likely to get nontraditional way because the tradition doesn’t accept them. In addition, couples who ever been married before or second marriage couples also give a big contribution to the nontraditional wedding, perhaps, they have experienced the traditional so that they want to get the nontraditional way. For further explanation I would like to discuss the major reasons that those people want to the nontraditional wedding.

The biggest reason is that they want to express their individualism. It means something what they want and like which reflects their personalities, interests, values, and lifestyle. For instance, according to Lederman & Marsha (1999) who interviews Chris and Lorca, fashion photographer and model, who were getting married in theatre. "For me, the theater represents the things the church represents to most people, says Lorca. I didn’t go to church regularly as a child. The theater was always the communal meeting place" (p.5). It seems that the couple wants to show who they are and express their personalities. Another example is which is discussed by Schultchen (1995, pp.1-2) who interviews Tina Martin, home-based wedding consultant called Rocky Mountain Weddings. Martin offers a mountain adventure wedding for interested couples. She gives options to them what they like and want as a way to say "I do" such as fly onto the mountain top by helicopter, dog sled rides, "gondola cable car rides up to a ski resort" (p.2), and so forth. With this example it seems that the couples want to express their interest in something adventurous. Another example is for couples who like something unique and fun as a way to wed. This has been happening in Las Vegas whereas couples can get married at the "Las Vegas Hiltons Star Trek: The experience it was a dream come true" (Katsilometes, no year, p.2). "Couples were beamed through the transporter, then escorted by Starfleet officers through the transit corridor onto the bridge for rehearsal and ceremony…. More than 50 couples have booked to be married on the USS Enterprise since it opened a year ago" (p.2). By taking this example it seems that the couples are ought to express their individualism in unique and fun way.

Besides the couples want to express individualism, Another remarkable reason that couples want to wed in nontraditional ways is that they want to save money. They prefer to save their money because the bills for the traditional weddings in the recent years were very expensive. "An average wedding with all the fixings can easily cost the couple $20,000" (Wolcott, 2000, p.1). So that they are likely to choose getting married in simple way instead of allowing the traditional regulation which is complex and complicated which of course automatically needs more money and energy. They tend to think efficiently but still effective about how to make their own wedding. According to Wollcot while interviewing Mike Nichols who got married at Red Rocks National Park in Colorado, quotes Nichols words.

By this it seems that Nichols want to emphasize the marriage rather than the wedding, because he realized that by following the tradition is not directly they can live happily ever after with his partner.

Another example, regarding to Katsilometes (no year), a wedding consultant, in Las Vegas there is a small wedding chapel that has been opened by Charlotte Richards for business for 45 years. The chapel is extraordinary because it is "a hot-air balloon wedding" (p.5). So that "the couples can drive-up and say [their vows] in the air" (p.5). Richards says that there have been more than a half-million couples who used this service and the cost between $500 and $1000. It seems that the couples who use this service emphasize a dignified and efficient wedding. Therefore, many people in North America are doing that way.

Along with the time journey maybe there will be couples who celebrate their weddings on the surface of the Moon or Mars, or even just at a "drive through" wedding service. Yet, basically, the evolving of nuptial from traditional to nontraditional remind us that individualism and money played a significant role in this era.

References

Katsilometes, J. (No year). Weddings at Vegas.com, [online article]. Retrieved august 12, 2000, from the World Wide Web: http://www.vegas.com

Lederman, & Marsha. (1999). Do you take? From west to east, three of Canada’s hippest couples say "yes". CBCA fulltext reference 1999 annual.

McClelland, S. (2000, july 31). A world of difference. Maclean’s online. Retrieved August 01, 2000, from the World Wide Web: http://www.macleans.ca/pub-doc/ 2000/ 07/ 31/ cover/ 37860.shtml

Schultchen, J. (1995). Rocky mountain weddings. Home Business Report, 39 (14), 22-25.

Schwerdtfeger, A. (1982). Ethnological Sources of the Christian Marriage Ceremony. Stockholm, Sweden: Salesian Printing House "Esse-Gi-Esse".

Wolcott, J. (2000, May 3). Ask yourself: Will your dog pout if he’s not included in the wedding party? Nutty Nuptials, [Online article]. Retrieved August 12, 2000, from the World Wide Web: http://www.csmonitor.com/durable/2000/05/03/fp15s1-csm.shtml.